Reflection vs Projection

People in our lives can provide a reflection of what we are like or a projection of what they are like, or sometimes a combination of both.

When they provide a reflection of what we are like, it is sort of like them holding up an unbiased mirror and we get to see ourselves. These are fairly accurate reflections of you.

Reflection

People in our lives are supposed to offer a relatively accurate representation of ourselves back to us. They are supposed to reflect or mirror back roughly accurate representations of ourselves when we voice ourselves to them. This is part of attachment of being seen, heard and valued. When this does not occur problems arise within the relationship. When this does not occur overtime we can begin to believe the skewed images we receive back and this can make us question what we once knew and believed about ourselves.

Skewed Reflection

When people in our lives offer reflection skewed with projection it is like a funhouse mirror, greatly distorting reality. It's a mix of real and warped aspects. This can make it hard for us to distinguish what is really us and what is their projection of themselves. When we receive emotionally skewed projections, it's challenging to separate fact from distortion.

Projection

Projection is similar to the “it’s not my vomit” section.

Projection is when someone projects their own issues onto us. It's their defense mechanism to avoid feelings and protect themselves, often leading to misunderstandings in relationships. They may believe they're reflecting us but are projecting themselves onto us. For instance, they might attribute their emotions to us, even when it's not true.

All of this is to say, we rely on feedback from others to some degree. When we are in relationships, we need to be seen, heard and valued. It is important to understand the difference between reflection and projection. To know what is my stuff and what is yours. To be able to say, ‘that’s not my vomit’, when it is pure projection, and to know when to say ‘oh, that is a reflection of me’.

Let’s tie this into differentiation of self. When we talked about differentiation of self, we spoke of being able to separate ourselves from others. This separation refers to emotionally, mentally, physically, cognitively, etc. This separation occurs while still remaining connected to others. This makes us less reactive to the acceptance and rejection of others, capable of defining and protecting self and allowing others to do the same. When we see a reflection of ourselves we can take the information and later decide what to do with that information. If we see it as a projection of others we may discard it as not a part of us.